Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
