So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
