I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
