he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
