Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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