Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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