Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
