so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
