Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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