clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Randomize
