it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
