feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
