Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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