i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
