Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
