GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
