I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
