Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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