My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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