You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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