I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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