Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
