dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
