his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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