So drunk its hurt
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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