you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
as a side note pls kill me
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
