The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
