Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
