I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
