no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
