no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
