how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
