Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
