fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
