Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
