Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I woke up under a house in Key West
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
