look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
