haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
