Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
