go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Are my feet made of real feet?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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