So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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