I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
