I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
