Heybabeimwearingurpanties
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
