What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
