How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
