i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
