dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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