If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
