My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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