I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
