I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
